As we wait...

Today's surgery will take about four hours, which is plenty of time to think about how scary yesterday was for all of us. It was definitely a moment that we have had too many times, facing the line between life and death, especially when Conley was in utero and in the NICU.

Many of you are asking what "signs" we noticed first. Well, Conley woke up his happy, normal self just like any other day. We had planned to head to hemodialysis later that morning in preparation for surgery, and I scheduled both PT and OT that morning so he could have one final session before our long hospital stay. But, we started noticing some odd signs: he was losing color, his lips were white, he was lethargic, couldn't hold up his head and was abnormally fussy. We took his blood pressure and it was very low. Scary low. I called our doctor and gave him a heads up that we were on our way in and something was really wrong. Jonathan just said to me that as we left the house, he wondered if this was it; the last time he'd see Conley. He looked that sick.

As soon as we made it to the dialysis clinic, everyone agreed that he looked bad, and they sent us to the ER, which was luckily across the street. This was our first admit to the ER with Conley, and I was overwhelmed. At least 20 doctors easily were in and out of the room assessing what he needed from their standpoint. Everyone's faces said Conley was in big trouble, but no one knew why, or wanted to say it out loud. A special team came in to start two IVs for emergency fluid, and he was given an emergency blood transfusion. They ran labs as well. A typical blood count (hemoglobin) is 12. Conley was at a 4.7, and he was severely anemic, which is how they knew he was bleeding somewhere. He was sent for an emergency CT scan to check his tummy as that was the most likely place for blood loss. The CT showed he had bled into his stomach, and initially the call was emergency surgery. But, luckily, Conley responded well to the first blood transfusion and his blood pressure was rising. He even sat up, smiled and clapped (that little booger!) so the surgeon felt that the bleeding had stopped for now and there was no need to rush into surgery. Conley needed a total of 3 blood transfusions throughout the night in order to raise his hemoglobin to a stable level.

As I sit here waiting for him to return from surgery, I've had several visits from medical professionals that know and treat Conley. One said, "he is lucky you are so in tune with him, and know when things are wrong. It was good that you called ahead to warn us, because we knew to be ready." And the other said, "If you hadn't brought him in when you did, he wouldn't have made it." Wow. Im not sure of that makes me relieved or more traumatized. In the moment, and even now, I knew he was sick. But that sick?? I'm not ready for him to be that sick. We've had almost a year together, and all of this happened in two hours. How is that fair for any of us?

A couple more hours of surgery to go. This boy is a fighter and loved by so many. I can't wait to see him kick cancer's ass too.